Finale, Act I

Lyrics

[JIMMY, spoken] Well, I'm darned [CONSTANCE, spoken] What is it? [JIMMY, spoken] My first wife has signed the divorce papers [JUDGE, spoken] Then you are free to marry my daughter [JIMMY, spoken] So the lawyers say [PHIL, spoken] What is all this, Jimmy? [JIMMY, spoken] Excuse me, girls I haven't told you, have I? This is my fiancée, Constance Appleton [WOMEN, spoken] Fiancée? [JIMMY, spoken] And her father, Judge Appleton [JUDGE & WOMEN, spoken] How do (Oh) [WOMEN] Oh, it's perfectly grand He's won her heart and hand Don't they make a lovely pair? Our best wishes to you Take our blessing, oh do Lots of happiness we hope you'll share [CONSTANCE, spoken] What's that noise? [JIMMY, spoken] I didn't hear anything [CONSTANCE, spoken] Who is in that room? [PHIL, spoken] I heard it when we were here before [DOLLY, spoken] Jimmy says it's a ghost [CONSTANCE, spoken] I distinctly heard footsteps [ENSEMBLE] Yes, we heard a noise like someone softly creeping [JIMMY] If you heard a noise, it's just my butler sweeping [ENSEMBLE] There was a noise like someone creeping But he says it's just his butler sweeping [SHORTY, spoken] I ain't so sure about one of these eggs It acted kind of tired when I busted it in the pan [JUDGE, spoken] Are you Mr. Winter's butler? [SHORTY, spoken] Yes, ma'am [JUDGE, spoken] Uh— [CONSTANCE, spoken] Then who is in there? [JIMMY, spoken] I don't know [ENSEMBLE, CONSTANCE, spoken, JIMMY, spoken] Yes, yes, who can it be? (I don't believe you, I'll go and see) This looks funny to me (Come back here, it's all right, Constance) It is odd, you must agree (Let go of me, I'll find out) [KAY, spoken] Did you call, sir? [JIMMY, spoken] Ah, Jane, my maid [JIMMY] It was Jane [KAY] Yes, sir [ENSEMBLE] What a pretty maid [JIMMY] Simply Jane [KAY] Yes, sir [ENSEMBLE] What a pretty maid Now the mystery we can explain It was Jane, merely Jane [KAY, spoken] I was just wondering, sir What color spread you generally use in your bridal suite Pink or blue? [JUDGE, spoken] How very attractive [CONSTANCE, spoken] Trust Jimmy for that [JIMMY, spoken] Hush, please, she's my butler's wife [SHORTY, spoken] What's that? [JIMMY, spoken] Nothing, McGee, my friends were just admiring your wife [CONSTANCE, spoken] I thought you said last night that the butler hadn't any wife [JIMMY, spoken] He hadn't last night [CONSTANCE, spoken] What? [KAY, spoken] We had a bit of a row and I left him But I came back this morning [JUDGE, spoken] I'm surprised, McGee [SHORTY, spoken] You are no more surprised than I am [CONSTANCE, spoken] So James, for once, I misjudged you [JIMMY, spoken] You certainly did [JUDGE, spoken] Well, Constance, now that all obstacles are removed Let us turn our thoughts to the wedding [JIMMY, spoken] The which? The what? [CONSTANCE, spoken] The wedding! It can take place this afternoon [JIMMY, spoken] Now wait a minute, Constance [CONSTANCE, spoken] Father's a justice of the peace He can officiate [JUDGE, spoken] I'll telephone for the license to be sent over from the County Clerk's office [CONSTANCE, spoken] I suggest we hold the ceremony in the garden [JIMMY, spoken] But Constance, don't you think— [CONSTANCE, spoken] Let's go and choose a spot I adore garden weddings [PHIL, spoken] Hooray for Jimmy and his bride [ENSEMBLE, spoken] Yay [WOMEN] Isn't it grand? [MEN] Clap-a yo' hand [WOMEN] Hallelujah [MEN] Hallelujah [ENSEMBLE] Everybody's feeling gay It's Jimmy's wedding day [MEN] Isn't it grand? [WOMEN] Clap-a yo' hand! [MEN] Hallelujah [WOMEN] Hallelujah [ENSEMBLE] Now we'll hear them vow to love And honor and obey [MEN] Bachelor days and ways for our Jimmy are ended [WOMEN] And if the bachelor days and ways of Jimmy are mended Everything is splendid [SHORTY, spoken] Well, this is a fine state of things This is what comes of your not going back to the boat when you promised [KAY, spoken] Don't be cross, Shorty dear I came here by accident, but I stayed on purpose [SHORTY, spoken] Ah, the whole thing looks hopeless to me What can you do? [KAY, spoken] I don't know yet But I'll do something That girl won't make him happy [SHORTY, spoken] How do you know she won't? [KAY, spoken] Because she won't get the chance [KAY] Although he may not be the man some Girls think of as handsome To my heart he carries the key Won't you tell him, please, to put on some speed Follow my lead? Oh, how I need Someone to watch over me